Children

Parenting when a family is living together can be enormously rewarding yet still be one of the hardest jobs in the world. Parenting as separated parents is that much tougher. It can be emotionally exhausting and present new problems that need to be solved. Receiving the right support following separation can make all the difference to how parents and children cope after separation. All parents want their children to come through the separation with the minimum of unwelcome consequences, so trying to achieve as amicable a separation as possible is a goal worth pursuing.

Separating can take up a lot of mental and emotional energy and it can be difficult for parents to create the space needed to think about what their children need at this time. Family mediation which is either focused on each child (Child Focused) or which includes each child (Child Inclusive) can help parents work together to provide their children with the support and secure base that they need.

Adrienne Cox undertakes all her mediations where children are involved, as either Child Focused Mediation or Child Inclusive Mediation. She is trained to carry out both types of mediation practice and is DBS (formerly known as CRB) checked.

What is Child Focused Mediation?

To enable the best arrangements to be put in place for children post separation the mediator will provide general information to both parents about:

How children cope with parental separation
What children might need from parents to help them cope
How parents can protect their children from parental conflict
How to manage and minimise parental conflict

Additionally, the mediator will help both parents to:

Focus on their children’s needs as well as their own
Assist parents to put in place arrangements and parenting plans that can work for all the family in both the short and the long term
Consider options from their children’s perspectives as well as their own
Make the shift from parenting together to parenting apart and to make that transition as smooth as possible for the benefit of their children

What is Child Inclusive Mediation?

The mediator helps the parents, as in Child Focused mediation. In addition, the mediator sees the children separately, usually on just one occasion. This only happens if both parents feel that it would be helpful to their children and the children have either asked to or agreed to meet the mediator.

The meeting that the mediator has with the children is confidential (with the exception of any child protection issues) and provides an opportunity for the children to:

Share with the mediator any thoughts, worries, concerns and wishes that they have about their experience of the separation, if they wish to do so
Meet the mediator in person – it can be beneficial for children to meet the person that is helping their parents resolve any outstanding issues following separation
Ask the mediator to feedback any particular concerns, thoughts and feelings to their parents – the sharing of this information can help parents to put in place better arrangements for their children

Child Inclusive Mediation does not provide the children with the opportunity to be the decision makers. Parents remain the ones to make the decisions but are then able to do so with a full understanding of the needs and feelings of every member of the family.

If you feel that it may be beneficial for the mediator to meet with your children as part of the mediation, please either telephone Adrienne Cox on 01392 409094 or discuss it with her during your first mediation session.

Testimonials

The mediations sessions that my husband and I received helped us enormously to discuss in an amicable way our finances going forward in our divorce and therefore reaching a settlement amicably. The sessions we received via zoom worked extremely well especially as my husband was then living abroad enabling us to carry on with the process in a manner which didn't instigate relationship tensions which both parties felt developed during negotiations with our respective solicitors.

Adrienne remained professional and sensitive to the upset and trauma that divorce can cause to either party. I felt that her mediation was clear, time efficient and with the ability to diffuse situations which at times became heated in a gentle but controlled manner.

I would most certainly have no hesitation in recommending Adrienne to anyone who unfortunately finds themselves going through a divorce. I would like to add that mediation not only saved my husband and I most certainly large solicitor fees but more than this it has enabled us to separate in an amicable way which at one time felt impossible. After 11 years of marriage this has been a gift in order to remember the good that we had together and not to be bitter because of the nature of the divorce process.

I can't fully express really just how helpful, reassuring and supportive I found working with you to be. You helped me to find a way through such difficult discussions and decisions at such a confusing and vulnerable time. Thank you so very much.

I was really pleased with it. I felt comfortable that we were going through things with a level headed, tactful guide.

I cannot think of any way to improve your service. It was especially tricky through lockdown and the fact that we were able to keep meeting in a safe, supportive and productive way was amazing.

Mediation with you exceeded my expectations. Having had several sessions with a different mediation service, I was apprehensive and actually pretty fearful of how the process would leave me feeling. You always made me feel reassured and I felt that our family was in good hands. Your calm and sensitive approach, along with your considerable expertise was invaluable and I so appreciated your honesty and objectivity. I always felt listened to and that the whole experience was impartial and balanced, with the welfare of the girls at the centre of everything. I would have been happy and confident for you to meet with the girls had we reached that point, knowing that you would be sensitive to them and their needs too.

Thank you so much for all your help and advice. I have found the experience invaluable and still often refer back to some of the things we talked about to guide my decisions and actions.

You were very helpful and approachable and fair. You kept us on track when conversations went off on a tangent & allowed us to reach a satisfactory conclusion.

I would highly recommend Adrienne Cox for any couple who is going through a divorce ( and especially where a young child is involved as was in our situation ). Adrienne is very professional, highly skilled and knowledgeable.

It has been a long road with many ups and downs between myself and my husband but Adrienne has always remained very professional, neutral and very patient. We got there in the end, thanks to Adrienne,with an amicable, healthy relationship between ourselves which is the best outcome possible for our Son and a clearer future for us all.

I was very impressed with your professional service and the way the sessions were conducted in a calm and understanding environment.

I am satisfied and convinced that I couldn't have found a more competent, professional and sympathetic mediator and mediation service than that offered by yourself and your mediation service.

Just to let you know that the consent order has now been approved, the house transferred and the decree of absolute through, so all done and dusted thanks to mediation.

I didn't know what to expect having never been through it before but was very satisfied with your service. I really didn't know where to turn but your service really helped me.

The client reported that the mediation with you was really good. You were understanding but firm and he said he thought they had all come away from mediation feeling progress had been made with them all having compromised.